We dedicate a significant portion of our lives to our jobs, and our approaches to interacting with coworkers can vary dramatically. Some individuals tend to share extensively, blending their personal and professional lives, while others might be more discreet, choosing to maintain a clear divide between their work and personal spheres. This comfort level can differ widely not just between individuals but also across different age groups.
What’s the optimal approach? How can we discern if being our true selves at work fosters connections with colleagues, or if sharing too much crosses a line? Additionally, how can we communicate with coworkers whose interactions make us uneasy?
1. Identify your comfort zone
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize what makes you feel at ease. “The usual guidance suggests that you must either be open, engaging with everyone and showcasing your entire personality at work, or you should uphold a strict professionalism, avoiding personal sharing altogether. Both views are flawed,” explains Phoebe Gavin, a career and leadership coach at Better With Phoebe. “Such rigid expectations inhibit individuals from being authentic and developing genuine relationships in the workplace.”
“You are in your own place. Acknowledge where others are situated and determine how you wish to find a degree of balance,” advises Gavin. “This is about being conscious of your surroundings.”
Maintaining a boundary between professional and personal life can be challenging. “The borders will inevitably blur; there’s no avoiding it. We often spend as much, if not more, time with our colleagues than with our friends and family. This convergence of lives is natural,” highlights Gavin.
2. Honor the comfort zones of others
After determining your own comfort zone, observe the differences between yourself and your colleagues. What signals do they send, and how can you accommodate those needs? “We frequently communicate with others in the way we wish to be communicated with,” remarks Carolina Caro, team coach and founder of Conscious Leadership Partners. “Being adaptable means meeting someone where they are instead of where we stand. For instance, if you recognize someone is more reserved, you may choose not to share personal information, even if that’s your usual style. If I’m interacting with you, I pay attention to your comfort level and may adjust my approach intentionally. My goal is to foster a better connection with you.”
Creating an environment that embraces diverse personalities will benefit an organization significantly. “The aim is to cultivate an atmosphere that appreciates the varied comfort levels and experiences rather than imposing a single standard,” Caro explains. “This includes sharing personal experiences to the extent we feel comfortable, which may differ among individuals.”
Older generations may find it less comfortable to disclose personal thoughts in a work context, while younger people may embrace a more open attitude. A recent Gallup survey found that younger workers, particularly those from Generation Z, feel disengaged at work in 2024, partly due to a perceived disconnect with their organization’s culture.
“We are continually learning to create inclusive environments,” states Caro. “This involves making room for everyone to be authentic while respecting individual differences—ensuring no judgment. That said, we are all distinct; what strategies can we employ to help individuals feel comfortable meeting others at their level?”
The degree of sharing we engage in at work, alongside how we manage personal challenges, reflects the broader company culture shaped by leadership. “Brené Brown emphasizes the need to establish that tone to create these spaces. A leader who openly discusses her fertility issues encourages others to do likewise. Many refrain from sharing to protect themselves. It’s essential to teach people that they can lower their defenses without fear of repercussions, and this mindset must be set by leadership,” Caro elaborates.
3. Gauge the atmosphere
While it’s vital to express ourselves to have our needs met, we must avoid overwhelming others by “trauma dumping”—which occurs when sharing excessively distressing personal stories, impeding workplace productivity. “Assess if the conversation is a relevant workplace concern or if you are introducing personal issues that disrupt your performance,” suggests Azizi Marshall, a mental health and workplace wellness expert at the Center for Creative Arts Therapy. Step back and observe the group dynamics and body language. “If someone crosses their arms and glances around as if searching for an exit, or if their feet are angled away from you, they’re likely signaling a desire to end the conversation.” Rather than airing grievances for an extended period, identify the issue and aim for constructive solutions. “It’s about finding equilibrium between the organization’s needs and the individuals involved,” says Marshall.
4. Articulate your needs and propose solutions
We must navigate our personal requirements alongside professional responsibilities. We can reveal enough to fulfill both goals. “If you are someone who separates work and life, but find yourself needing support from your workplace, there’s a way to communicate that to the relevant parties. This enables you to share what is essential while respecting your preference for keeping matters distinct,” notes Marshall, “thus fulfilling your needs adequately.”
For instance, “If an individual has ADHD, an open workspace can often be overwhelming,” explains Marshall. “Distractions will pull your focus, and by the end of the day, you could feel drained. It’s reasonable to request accommodations, like wearing headphones in a shared area or working in a quieter corner to limit distractions.” This creates a win-win scenario for both the employee and employer. “When employees feel supported and know they can ask for assistance, they’re more likely to remain with the organization and take on additional responsibilities, trusting that the company will provide backing.”
