The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus famously remarked: “Bear in mind that it is we who inflict suffering upon ourselves—our opinions are the culprits. What does it truly mean to be insulted? Stand next to a rock and hurl insults at it. What, then, have you achieved? If an individual reacts to insults like a rock would, what benefit is there for the one throwing the insults?”
Imagine a world where the opinions of others didn’t impact us at all. We could march forward, completely unaffected, as naysayers and skeptics launched verbal assaults on our aspirations. To many of us, this concept may feel unachievable, if not outright ridiculous. After all, we are human beings. Words can sting, particularly when they originate from those we cherish and admire.
On the other hand, the anonymous detractors—the keyboard warriors of the internet—are much simpler to disregard. Since you’re not acquainted with them and they don’t have insight into your journey, their negative comments might irritate you temporarily, but those social media criticisms will soon fade into the background of your feed and memory.
Sadly, the harshest criticisms often emerge from those closest to us.
Regrettably, the hardest critiques are often from our closest allies. Consider the protective but anxious parent insisting that job security is paramount, the doubtful adviser asserting your idea is unoriginal, or the best friend who seems oblivious to your vision. They wield just enough influence to spark the internal question: What if they are correct?
If you find yourself dealing with critical voices within your circle, try these approaches and assess how you feel afterward.
1. Reflect on the individual’s background.
Your parents experienced a different era, economic environment, and belief system. What might seem like practical business and lifestyle counsel to them could be irrelevant to today’s context. Furthermore, their desire to protect you may lead them to offer advice rooted in their own fears rather than rational thought.
2. Put your ego aside.
Your venture is your passion project. You’ve dedicated immense time to thinking, envisioning, and strategizing. Any dissent may feel like a blow to your self-esteem. Try to set your ego aside and ponder what this individual is expressing. Does it hold validity? Are they pointing out a blind spot you hadn’t recognized, or is it merely a reflection of their own anxieties or jealousy?
3. If needed, seek clarification.
Not every critique is baseless negativity. In fact, individuals who challenge your ideas can offer valuable insights to an entrepreneur. For instance, if an investor declares your concept is unoriginal, ask for examples of existing companies that resemble yours. Research the similarities and differences. At the very least, you’ll come away knowing you’ve considered a range of viewpoints and are equipped for any potential questions.
4. Adapt, and keep moving forward.
If there’s merit in the feedback, you now have the opportunity to make necessary adjustments. If another business appears too similar, it may mean a shift in your branding is in order rather than a complete overhaul. After all, every concept has predecessors; what distinguishes yours is the unique perspective you bring to it.
5. Be steadfast like a rock.
If negativity persists, adopt the wisdom of Epictetus. While you cannot alter others’ remarks or actions, you have total control over how you respond. If your instinct to react is overwhelming, consider reducing interactions with that individual—at least until you’ve fortified your resilience.
We reached out to three entrepreneurs to share their experiences with critics. Here’s what they conveyed.
Violette de Ayala
Founder and CEO of FemCity, Miami, Florida
I recognize two key truths regarding critics. Firstly, as you rise in success, the presence of critics becomes more pronounced in both your business and personal life. This is an undeniable aspect of existence that certain cultures openly acknowledge. A few years ago in Bali, I noticed many trees were adorned with black-and-white checkered fabric. Upon inquiry, our guide explained that in their belief system, the presence of good comes hand-in-hand with that of bad; as the positive increases, so does the balance of negativity.
Secondly, when individuals unleash their disdain, it reflects more about themselves than about you. The way we perceive others often mirrors our own realities. Negative sentiments typically stem from a personal disconnection from life’s possibilities, a refusal to accept Accountability, and the acknowledgment that everyone can achieve success. My accomplishments do not diminish the potential for others. I also appreciate the saying, “What Sally says about Susan reveals more about Sally than about Susan.” This encapsulates their perspective on life.
When faced with hateful messages or naysayers, I strive to detach the personal insult and remind myself that it’s about them, not me. I then respond with kindness and compassion, which usually calms the situation and resolves the conflict. I refuse to take it personally and avoid reacting emotionally.
Andrea Wenburg
Author and CEO of Voice of Influence, Denver, Colorado
Some time ago, I felt compelled to make a more significant impact in the world but hesitated to express myself due to fears of others’ opinions. Inspired by Elsa from the film Frozen, I realized it was time to “let it go.” To me, this signified stepping into my purpose and potential. My overarching aim is to assist others in discovering their Voice of Influence while simultaneously becoming a more visible representative of that Voice myself.
As I share in my book UNFROZEN, “I used to fear I was too overwhelming for others: too profound, too passionate, and too sensitive…. My attempts to restrain and manage my self-expression often left me feeling thwarted and insincere.
I recognized my existence was meant for more than living a life of suppression, but how could I be true to myself without jeopardizing my relationships?”
Here’s my guidance:
- Friends and family are not your target audience. Even if you wish to influence them positively with your message, if they perceive it as a personal assault, they will likely become resistant and unreachable.
- At times, you must prioritize your needs over your desires. Ethical influence comes with personal sacrifices. While you might lose connections, it’s vital to assess which holds greater importance: your mission or your comfort.
- Love people more than you are afraid of them. Ultimately, it’s crucial to determine whether your mission is worth the cost of their approval.
Denise Woodard
Founder and CEO of Partake, New York City, New York
My daughter, Vivian, was diagnosed with severe allergies, making it a challenge to find delicious and safe snacks. One time, I broke down in an airport after a lengthy flight delay when I couldn’t find any food suitable for my toddler.
In 2016, I left a ten-year career with Coca-Cola to launch a brand of allergy-friendly cookies from my vehicle. My parents, who had worked tirelessly to provide me with an education enabling a “safe, corporate job,” were far from pleased. I navigated this difficulty by:
- Empathizing with their perspective. My father, an African American entrepreneur, is aware of the demands and challenges of the entrepreneurial path and wanted to shield me. My mother, a Korean immigrant, grew up in a culture where entrepreneurship was hardly glamorous and struggled to understand my decision to leave a Fortune 100 company for a risky venture.
- Charting my own course. Just because I grasped their viewpoint didn’t compel me to conform or make their opinions definitive.
As for potential investors who believed there were already “plenty of allergy-free snacks” on the market, I simply persisted in showcasing my product and sought partners who shared my vision. I kept grinding away, believing in myself. I’m striving to create a product my family urgently needed, and through interactions with our customers, I’m confident we aren’t alone in this demand.
Eventually, Partake gained recognition from Jay-Z’s VC fund, Marcy Venture Partners, and secured $1 million in funding. The story gained traction, and now you can find Partake products gracing the shelves of hundreds of grocery stores nationwide.
Haters gonna hate… so rise above and thrive. Success is the ultimate revenge!
