[Written by a guest contributor.]
My relationship with my mother has not always been smooth. In fact, we weren’t in touch at all when I discovered I was expecting my first child. A simple ultrasound image I sent her via email marked the beginning of our healing journey, and over the last eight years, our bond has strengthened. Recently, I partnered with her at her business—Mmmm, Yes!—a home goods and apparel brand rooted in Black womanist ideals.
I previously wrote about the impact my grandmother has had on both my professional and personal life, and I’m currently putting together a guide that highlights the multitude of unsolicited wisdom she has generously shared with me over the years. Our family is filled with vibrant personalities, and my mother’s remarkable background includes being an artist in residence at the Tower of London and performing on the spoken word stage at Lollapalooza in 1994.
My mom instilled in me the importance of creative work, showing me that pursuing art and writing as a career is not only valid but essential—especially if you’re open to mastering the often overlooked marketing aspects of being a creative.
I have a profound admiration for my mother; however, we haven’t always had the best rapport. I won’t delve into the specific reasons that kept us apart for a time. Instead, I would like to discuss how we navigated our healing process and ultimately chose to collaborate in the business realm.
The initial steps toward healing
I was uncertain if my family would attend my wedding to my late ex-husband. My mother and I had started to reconnect after I made a sudden move from Orange County, California, to the outlying suburbs of Chicago to follow my then-boyfriend home. Shortly after, I learned that I was pregnant.
During that time, my mother and I hadn’t communicated for several months, but I felt the urge to inform her of the situation. As mentioned earlier, I sent her a concise email with the ultrasound photo attached. She responded promptly, and from there, our conversations resumed more frequently.
She attended the wedding and captured stunning photographs. She assisted me in creating my registry and selecting a breast pump. When my daughter arrived, she eagerly shared my registry, dedicating the same enthusiasm she pours into her fundraising efforts. Thanks to the network from my mother-in-law’s church friends and my mom’s connections, I don’t believe we had to purchase any baby essentials ourselves.
Building trust
The early years of rebuilding our relationship felt somewhat fragile, as this was likely the first time since my teenage years that we were on good terms. Resentments lingered on both sides, but we made a conscious effort to show up for each other consistently. Over time, we began to embrace forgiveness.
My mom has stepped up as a support system in unexpected ways. When I started to feel the weight of my divorce, she was my confidante, even while she was dealing with her own recently diagnosed chronic illness. She provided whatever support she could during that challenging time.
I soon began writing essays and articles. Like during my high school days, I asked my mom to review my work and offer her feedback. Having her as a hands-on editor who explained her suggestions taught me how to refine my strengths into a well-honed craft. This craft eventually evolved into a career, ultimately leading to our partnership.
The family venture
A few months back, I proposed to my mother that I could assist her with marketing, recognizing her growing preference for creation over sales. I had recently observed another Black designer’s successful collaboration with a major textile company and believed my mom’s work deserved similar recognition. So, I requested a meeting with her.
During the call, I felt anxious, fearing that my marketing suggestions might be taken as criticism. To my surprise, she asked if I would like to partner with her. She admitted her love for creating but her distaste for the business side of things. We agreed to collaborate on relaunching her brand and elevating it to new heights.
It has been several months since we began this partnership, and our joint venture has enabled us to enhance our personal relationship. Although my mother and I have been on amicable terms for years, we still lacked closeness. Now, we hold weekly Google Meet sessions, providing a great opportunity for bonding and catching up.
I feel fortunate that we’ve been able to heal and grow together, and I cherish the experience of nurturing a brand I genuinely believe in. My mother’s work continues to inspire me daily, and I’ve discovered that growth in relationships is achievable if you’re willing to invest in them.
