This past summer, I embarked on a hiking adventure at the Grand Canyon with some close girlfriends. Once I returned to my daily routine as a wife and mother of three little ones, I realized that my emotional well-being had notably improved, exceeding my expectations. Long after the excitement and endorphin rush from the trip faded, I continued to feel revitalized and inspired. Weeks afterward, I found myself questioning whether science could shed light on the substantial boost in my emotional health following a challenging two-day hike with friends.
Intrigued, I ventured online and stumbled upon a Harvard article discussing oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone.” I learned that while oxytocin is primarily recognized for its role during childbirth, it is also crucial in forming emotional bonds with others. Additionally, I discovered that physical activity can elevate oxytocin levels. Could these factors explain why I felt so much better post-hike with my friends?
Psychotherapist Kristie Tse from Uncover Mental Health Counseling believes this is indeed the case. She explains that social interactions—whether they are straightforward or deeply intimate—promote the release of oxytocin, which in turn generates feelings of trust, empathy, and connection. In her professional observations, Tse notes that oxytocin assists her clients in managing their emotions and cultivating deeper relationships.
The social-emotional benefits of oxytocin
Dermatologist Nicole Hayre, M.D., began her research on oxytocin after observing that her long-term patients exhibited differences in skin quality corresponding to their life situations. Hayre noted that individuals in fulfilling relationships had radiant, healthy skin, while those grieving a loss (such as through a breakup or death) appeared pale and worn. In her pioneering study, she uncovered a nearly direct correlation between elevated oxytocin levels and more youthful, vibrant skin.
Yet, the benefits of oxytocin extend beyond just skin health; they positively impact social-emotional wellness as well.
Mary Poffenroth, Ph.D., a neurohacking biopsychologist and author of Brave New You, explains that oxytocin enhances individuals’ connectivity within their communities by alleviating social anxiety and stress during interactions. As she shares, people also experience more pleasurable emotions such as calmness and care from social encounters, which encourage continued relationships.
Further studies reveal an unexpected conclusion: the positive impact of oxytocin is amplified during interactions with close friends and family rather than with strangers or casual acquaintances. Neuroscientist Paul J. Zak, Ph.D., who has dedicated 20 years to studying oxytocin, dopamine, and social behavior, states that such interactions hold substantial social-emotional significance for humans, contributing to what he terms an “emotional fitness” network called “Immersion.”
Oxytocin levels can be recorded to better manage your emotional health
Research indicates that meaningful social connections are essential for happiness. What defines a “meaningful” connection? Zak and his team have answered this. They have mapped connections between subtle changes in cranial nerve activity and cardiac rhythms with Immersion, allowing them to identify specific signals that gauge the value of a person’s daily social-emotional experiences.
This knowledge is particularly crucial in our post-pandemic world, where behavioral scientists have observed a surge in loneliness. “We need to provide individuals with tools to measure and manage their mental health,” says Zak. His findings suggest that individuals should aim for six peak Immersion moments daily to maintain emotional stability. Zak has even developed a complimentary app named SIX to help users track their Immersion, similar to monitoring steps, calories, and heart rates.
Different factors increase oxytocin levels
Immersion varies from person to person. Tse points out that the “intensity and context of the interaction dictate the amount of oxytocin released.” For example, sharing a meal with a romantic partner may lead to higher oxytocin levels due to the emotional intimacy compared to, say, casually watching a football game and drinking with friends.
Another consideration is personality traits. Zak notes, “Individuals who are warm, empathetic, and agreeable typically experience more peak Immersion moments.” The situation also matters; work can often create peak Immersion experiences through collaboration on goals and tasks. Adventures with friends can similarly yield peak moments, but solitary activities, like walking alone through New York City, are less likely to do so, according to Zak.
A tried-and-true method for boosting oxytocin is through shared movement. Participating in moderate exercise provides the brain with dopamine and endorphins, enhancing feelings of well-being, while oxytocin strengthens bonds with others involved in the activity. So, the joy I felt from my Grand Canyon hike with friends? That sentiment is scientifically validated.
Of course, it’s not necessary to engage in an arduous hike to experience the positive effects of oxytocin.
Tips for fostering better friendships
Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, offers some straightforward, practical strategies to enhance your positive emotional ties:
- Practice active listening: Make sure to give your friends your undivided attention while they speak. Avoid interruptions. Use body language (like eye contact and nodding) to convey your understanding and concern. Pose thoughtful questions that encourage deeper dialogue, and steer clear of responses that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
- Spend quality time together: Dedicate time to your friends without distractions. This could involve sharing a meal, going for a walk or hike, or discussing meaningful topics. Set aside cell phones or other devices. (In my experience, hiking in a location devoid of cell service, as we did in the canyon, is particularly effective!)
- Show your appreciation: Consistently express gratitude to your friends for both significant and minor acts—for their presence, for thoughtful gestures like sending flowers, or for simply being themselves. A sincere “thank you” or a note of appreciation can be profoundly impactful, indicating to your friends how much you value them.
- Encourage open dialogue: Share your thoughts and feelings with trusted friends, and invite them to reciprocate. Cultivate an emotionally safe space where expressing feelings is welcomed, fostering deeper connections.
Our brain can adapt and become emotionally healthier
We enhance our emotional resilience by striving to connect with one another. Thanks to neuroplasticity—our brain’s ability to adapt—we can train ourselves to be more emotionally present and receptive to those we care about. This not only enriches our relationships, reduces stress, but also strengthens our immune system, as Zak points out. Ultimately, it’s all about cherishing friendships and embracing the positive experiences they offer.
