During my 50th birthday celebration, I was fortunate enough to experience a tribute concert for the late Guy Clark at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee, featuring some iconic country music legends. It was surreal to see Vince Gill, Rodney Crowell, Jerry Jeff Walker, and others perform alongside each other and share heartwarming stories about Clark.
As the concert concluded, all the artists gathered on stage for a performance of “Old Friends,” a well-loved track from Clark’s catalog dating back to the late ’80s. One specific lyric resonated deeply with me.
“Old friends, they shine like diamonds. Old friends, you can always call. Old friends, Lord, you can’t buy ’em. You know it’s old friends after all.”
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I was once more reminded of life’s essential truths. Over time, it becomes clearer that the friendships, connections, and collaborations you cultivate are what shape you. These relationships define your achievements. In your later years, it’s the people you cherish, not the accolades, that linger in your memory.
Building relationships can be challenging, yet they are crucial. Each individual in your life plays a role in your ongoing development—some may embody multiple roles for you, but everyone contributes meaningfully. Below are the nine essential roles I’ve identified in my life, and I believe they are critical for any successful individual.
The Believer
When feelings of fear and uncertainty start to overwhelm you, The Believer is there to reinforce your strengths. This isn’t simply someone who tells you what you want to hear—such an approach is futile for growth. The Believer could be a parent, partner, closest friend, or a colleague, who understands your journey and recognizes your current position. They offer a realistic perspective on your achievements and won’t hesitate to point out when you’re mistaken. The Believer understands your abilities and provides encouragement when negativity surrounds you.
The Teacher
If you read my columns in this magazine regularly, you’re not likely to be surprised by this individual. Winston Churchill is my greatest source of inspiration and education. His perspective on failure, another significant teacher, resonates with me deeply: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” How impactful is that? Throughout your life, you will encounter failure countless times. However, envision treating those failures as stepping stones for learning, upskilling, and altering your actions. Churchill exemplified this philosophy. Your Teacher can come from various backgrounds—historical figures, esteemed elders, or even a colleague next to you. The key takeaway is: when The Teacher shares wisdom, pay attention.
The Pusher
As an only child from a small town in southern Georgia where everyone was familiar with each other, I owe a lot of my success to my parents. They instilled in me fundamental values of patience, kindness, and effective communication. This is the essence of what a Pusher does. It’s not someone who pushes you with authority or intimidation but rather encourages your development through their behavior. Their example has influenced the way I strive to lead, whether as a husband, father, or friend.
The Lover
Don’t misinterpret the title here. The Lover isn’t exclusively someone who possesses romantic inclinations, although in my case, that applies. My wife, Loveanne, stands as my most steadfast supporter. She consistently prioritizes my well-being because of her love for me. However, don’t confuse The Lover with someone who just follows you without question. Loveanne is quick to remind me to pause, reassess, recalibrate, and develop new strategies. She also lends an ear during long, late-night conversations about challenging decisions. Cherish this individual; they will provide unwavering support.
The Thinker
In every group, there’s usually one person who appears to have all the answers—that’s my former business partner. He’s far from a know-it-all; instead, he rarely feels the need to correct others or voice his opinion. What sets him apart is not an impressive IQ but his ability to listen, observe, and ponder. He takes time to compile information, organize it thoughtfully, and analyze it. This individual balances out the visionary qualities in us. When our instincts drive us to rush forward, they halt to confirm that everything aligns. Value their insights and ensure their presence during important decisions.
The Achiever
You inevitably encounter individuals who inspire you to elevate your aspirations. One of my oldest friends represents that influence. He is a constant standard of achievement for me. This person never seems to slow down. But it’s not solely his relentless energy that inspires me; it’s his determination to overcome failure. We all face setbacks in our careers, and he is no exception. Instead of succumbing to the thought of I can’t do this, he stands up and explores alternative paths, often discovering superior solutions. The Achiever is the image you aspire to realize, the encouragement you rely on during tough times, and the co-celebrator of your successes.
The Anchor
My assistant, Dayna, acts as my Anchor. For many years, she has organized my hectic schedule. When I’m enthusiastic about seizing every opportunity that seems advantageous to my career, she gently reminds me, “We can’t accept every offer.” The Anchor remains realistic, grounded, trustworthy, and dependable. They often possess a deeper understanding of you than you do yourself. They recognize your limits and comprehend when an exciting chance may not be suitable at this moment. Treat this person with honor, and they’ll guide you in pursuing your aspirations.
The Scale
The notion of work-life balance has become almost a cliché. We constantly receive recommendations about how to allocate our time, what to prioritize, and how to disconnect from work. However, genuine balance is subjective. What works for me may not suit a 23-year-old single parent. Our dreams, priorities, and circumstances differ widely. The Scale represents your priorities. For me, it involves my two sons. Early in my career, I was overly committed to working harder and achieving more. I aimed to enhance their lives. My balance involved drawing firm boundaries. I refused to miss significant events in their lives. Whether it involved taking a red-eye flight after a long day of meetings or being present for their birthday celebrations, I made those choices. Maintaining your balance is challenging, but resist the urge to set it aside.
The Fighter
Fighters embody passion without aggression. They are the bedrock of a strong team. For me, I don’t refer to an individual but rather a category of people. When I recruit a new team member, the interview is not just a dialogue between the two of us. It’s essential for my existing Fighters to assess the prospective candidate because they can detect the presence of determination and enthusiasm in another Fighter. Loyalty isn’t grounded in fear; instead, it is founded on trust, open communication, and transparency. I want this individual to gain insight into my company internally. We don’t just focus on whether they align with our culture, but also if we suit their needs. Ultimately, the strength of any organization hinges on the collective resilience of its members.
In the end, the people in your life, not the honors you receive, will be what you cherish as you age.
As you reflect on these nine roles, you likely recognized various individuals in your life that fit these descriptions, and I hope you take a moment to feel thankful for their influence. Each person close to you plays a significant role. If you find yourself unsure of who embodies these roles, consider what you might seek from your friends and family to further your growth, or think about widening your circle to welcome those who will encourage you to fulfill your potential.
