My son expressed a desire for me to purchase an item for him. I declined. Like many preteens, he responded with a sassy remark: “Why should you care? It’s dad’s money, after all.” Rather than let my frustration surface, I tapped into my experience as a thriving small business owner to pose some thoughtful questions:
What makes you think it’s dad’s money?
“Because he goes to work.”
You’re aware that I work from my computer, right?
“But you don’t leave for work.”
It dawned on me that this wasn’t simply a matter of disrespect; it reflected a modern misunderstanding that goes beyond my son’s grasp of work, value, and compensation. It makes sense—he sees his father’s alarm ringing early, watches him don a suit and tie, and then doesn’t see him again until late afternoon. Meanwhile, I’m often working at places like the trampoline park or the pool or even in our front yard, and I typically only appear put-together for a Zoom meeting when the camera is on.
So, where did I falter in educating him about my role as a freelance journalist and marketing strategist? Although I frequently discuss my achievements and struggles at work, it’s clear I don’t project the conventional image of a professional. As a work-from-home mother, I earn more by staying at home than my partner does in an office. However, concepts like “flexible” and “remote” working don’t register for kids the same way they view a doctor’s, lawyer’s, or plumber’s job. My son and his four younger siblings belong to a generation that may need to relearn what work really encompasses—with our support.
How children perceive remote or hybrid work
During the pandemic, I realized my kids might see work as complete chaos that complicates family dynamics, where parents juggle pets and kids while trying to focus on their tasks. What a rudimentary way for my toddlers, preschoolers, and early school-aged children to grasp what their parents do.
This left my kids mostly to deduce why some adults in their lives would pass in and out of the house for work, while others remained.
“Kids think in concrete terms, so they look for visual indicators to help them understand complicated ideas,” explains Eli Harwood, a licensed professional counselor and author of Raising Securely Attached Kids. “When a parent leaves home dressed in ‘work attire,’ it provides a clear distinction between work and home. However, as our jobs increasingly involve staying home and working behind screens, it becomes tricky for children to comprehend the essence of what we do since it often seems more abstract.” She notes that this can also create difficulties for kids in recognizing the divide between work and home, leading to interruptions as they seek our attention even after we’ve said we’re busy working.
After all, are we really only working? Or are we also checking our messages, answering the door, stirring the chili, and throwing in a load of laundry? It’s quite confusing for children.
“The perceived informality of the environment may render work less professional and more akin to daily life for kids. While this can cultivate a sense of availability and presence, it also blurs the boundaries between professional and personal life,” remarks Daniel Rinaldi, a therapist, personal coach, and owner of MNTL Town, a family mental health platform. “That said, children may view remote working as more casual and potentially less significant.”
The era of remote work may shape children’s futures
Will my children assume they can’t make a living if they work from home in comfy attire instead of leaving in business suits like their father? I hope not, with proper guidance and daily lessons to counteract that notion.
Jenny Groberg, CEO and founder of BookSmarts Accounting and Bookkeeping and a work-from-home mother of five, shares that her “three older kids will do everything they can to pursue remote work instead of conventional office settings. The flexibility of working from home, combined with my ability to successfully support our family while prioritizing them during their upbringing, has opened their eyes and motivates them to work ‘smarter, not harder,’” she explains.
Today’s kids are entering the workforce expecting that no one should endure long shifts without breaks for coffee with friends or leisurely walks outside during lunch. “We can observe this mentality in the current wave of young individuals entering the job market,” notes Bonnie Scott, MA, LPC-S, a licensed professional counselor at Mindful Kindness Counseling and mother to a 10-year-old. “They’re more likely to decentralize work from their lives and enforce boundaries around their personal time. They tend to adjust traditional working hours to meet their own schedules, accomplishing necessary tasks but not within the conventional eight-hour workday.”
Perhaps they don’t need to know everything just yet
Upon reviewing Groberg’s experience, I realized it can be perfectly fine—and even indicative of a healthy situation—if children don’t grasp the complexities of their parents’ work and associated finances.
Groberg reveals that “for 17 years, my children didn’t recognize or value my remote work. They were completely unaware of my contributions to our family’s financial stability. In fact, I needed to contribute to help pay for my husband’s schooling and to alleviate our student loans within just two years. For 17 years, they also had no idea that my side project bloomed into a highly successful enterprise, and I’m at peace with that.
“I’m thankful because that indicates they felt secure and not neglected. My remote position allowed me to be home for them and present when they needed me. I’m not offended that they didn’t regard my work as equally valuable as my husband’s job. They understand now what I accomplished and that I was there to support them, and that’s what matters most to me. Because of this, I’ll do whatever it takes to grow my business to provide more opportunities for stay-at-home moms.”
Ways to help your children understand your work
One time, I explained to my kids how much I would earn from a specific article I was writing, how long it took, and what the topic was, simplifying these concepts for my younger ones. They didn’t realize until then that typing could generate money for groceries or fund their soccer gear. This kind of dialogue is something I’ve become more purposeful about since finding out they thought I didn’t earn much.
Harwood also points out that it’s important to “show them the aspects they can’t see. I explain to my children that when I produce written content, I’m helping others become passionate about science and how they can utilize that science to express their love to their children and partners,” she says. “I also inform them of my passion for words—their artistic nature brings me joy, and I love crafting sentences that may resonate with others.
“When we help our children visualize the ways our work impacts us and others, they can start to understand the many ‘behind-the-scenes’ efforts necessary for people to aid one another, whether in person or through a computer screen.”
She expresses hope that sharing her career experiences with her children will enable them to “discover meaningful, fulfilling, and sustainable ways to contribute to the world using their skills and creativity, even if that often unfolds through the connection of their fingers to their keyboards.”
