Just 53% of individuals in the United States reported engaging in meaningful connections with others. This finding was part of a survey conducted by Cigna, involving 20,000 adults who shared insights on their daily interactions. The study aimed to uncover feelings of loneliness or social isolation. Each participant received a loneliness rating, leading Cigna to conclude that a significant number of American adults experience profound loneliness.
Now, consider this reality within the context of our life’s demands—collaborating on teams, meeting new individuals, and inviting them to support our aspirations. If we have indeed lost the capacity for genuine connection, as the survey indicates, how are we supposed to achieve these objectives.
Susan McPherson, the author of The Lost Art of Connecting: The Gather, Ask, Do Method for Building Meaningful Business Relationships delves into her career in sales and discusses her approach to cultivating meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships.
“I discovered how vital it is to reach out to others without expecting anything in return,” McPherson notes. “Essentially, just checking in for the sake of checking in allows you to foster a meaningful connection, so when the time comes to request their business or seek a purchase, you’ve already established a rapport.”
Only three intentional actions are required to ignite a connection. Keep reading to explore McPherson’s method of gathering information, asking the right questions, and doing what’s necessary to strengthen fresh relationships.
Step 1: Gather
Even though we’re navigating a pandemic, individuals are eager to socialize and meet new people. Before things revert to normal, take a moment for self-reflection. Gather insights about the relationships you wish to cultivate.
“We find ourselves in a rare situation,” McPherson explains. “I liken it to being in purgatory. We can sense what’s coming, yet we’re not there just yet. We realize we’ll eventually emerge—not instantaneously, but gradually—and regain some sense of normal life…. It’s a perfect moment to introspect and determine, ‘What community will best assist me in reaching my goals?’”
Consider these four inquiries as you reflect:
- What constitutes a valuable connection for me?
- What kind of community do I need to create to meet my objectives?
- How can I ensure that my community is inclusive?
- What can I contribute to the individuals in my community?
If you already have specific individuals in mind, begin accumulating more information. Check out their website and explore their business profiles. Jot down their accomplishments shared on social media. This intel will be useful during your initial face-to-face interaction.
Step 2: Ask
Requesting what you want is a skill that often goes unappreciated. Those who master it recognize that many individuals overlook random appeals. If you aim to weave yourself into someone’s life—and fulfill your needs simultaneously—you must become an attentive listener. Understand the challenges they face so you can offer valuable support.
McPherson picked up this wisdom from her first boss, Nancy Sells, in 1989 during their time at PR Newswire, where she learned to effectively promote herself.
“What [Nancy] taught me was that it’s not simply about selling,” McPherson recalls. “It’s about recognizing what matters to others and assisting them in overcoming hurdles or realizing their aspirations. In essence, you’re not imposing anything; you’re enabling them to pursue [their dreams].”
When you first encounter someone, hold off on making requests. Concentrate on constructing the relationship while continually providing value. Once you’ve built a solid base, you can make a request without burdening your new acquaintance.
This is the ideal moment to utilize the information you obtained in the “gather” phase. When meeting for the first time, reference their recently published book or the accolade they’ve just earned. Perhaps you can offer your expertise to assist them with their upcoming project.
Step 3: Do.
Now that you’ve gathered information and made your thoughtful, altruistic request, it’s action time. As you deepen your connections, the next priority is to honor your commitments, or, in other words, follow through on the subtle promises you’ve made. If it entails contacting someone within three days, set an alert or note it in your calendar.
During the “do” phase, prioritize connection over mere networking. Avoid the “business event” strategy of mingling with numerous individuals in hopes of developing relationships with all of them.
A more effective approach, according to McPherson, is to employ the power of three when entering any environment:
- Introduce yourself to three people.
- Discover three things about them.
- Share three insights or experiences of your own.
“That, to me, is far more substantial than grabbing 20 business cards and attempting to connect with 15 of those individuals on LinkedIn,” McPherson asserts. “And without any real knowledge of who they are.”
