“Becoming a single mom was something I never envisioned for myself, but after my husband passed away in my 30s, that became my truth and shifted not just my emotional and mental states, but also our financial landscape. Transitioning from a dual-income household to managing everything solo was daunting as I balanced work with raising two young kids. We had always handled our finances wisely, yet I found myself unprepared for the financial implications of this sudden change. My top priority was making sure my children and I could continue living in our beloved neighborhood and home—an already tough task when we were both employed, let alone when I was on my own. Sticking to a budget became an essential skill for me to master, which was particularly challenging since I had struggled with math during high school.
During my initial year of widowhood, I became overly focused on tracking every single expense, attempting—albeit unsuccessfully—to impose control on a situation that felt overwhelmingly out of control. While my kids were asleep, I would stress about how much extra we could afford to spend without falling short on our bills. I realized early on that each moment spent away from my children came with a cost. In order to have them picked up from school or to take a brief run after work, I had to hire a babysitter. For years, it seemed like I was continuously paying the teenagers in our building just for a few precious moments to myself. The costs added up rapidly. Still, I understood that spending a bit more for time to exercise or shop alone was valuable for my mental health. This was how I began embracing small indulgences.
How did I justify the occasional overspend? Oddly enough, I recalled a fleeting experience from my teenage years when I joined Weight Watchers. At 15, my body changes led me to abandon my carefree childhood eating habits, compelling me to take charge of my nutrition. At one meeting, I learned of a woman who avoided her anniversary cake due to her diet but eventually ended up devouring the whole thing later in secret. The meeting leader believed this behavior might have been avoided if the woman had allowed herself a small piece to begin with. From this, I concluded that permitting ourselves minor joys can enhance our ability to adhere to our primary objectives.
This perspective remained with me as I entered my second year of being a single mother. I started applying similar logic to various facets of my life. I realized that if I sacrificed my exercise routine for the sake of saving money, I might end up purchasing an exorbitantly priced stationary bike that would likely remain unused and take up space in my small home.
That said, I still grappled with feelings of guilt about the added expenses when I opted to hire a sitter for running, instead of exercising at home while my kids played nearby. However, deep down I recognized that I was making decisions that promoted a healthier life balance. Those runs not only improved my patience and productivity but also allowed me to participate in the New York City Marathon—an experience that imparted vital lessons about endurance and self-sufficiency.
As my children grew older, I found alternative uses for the funds previously allocated to babysitters. For example, I became enchanted by a fragrance my friend wore. When I went to purchase it for myself, I was shocked to discover it cost more than $200 for just over an ounce. Having always used budget-friendly body sprays, the moment I applied this perfume, I felt a delightful shift: an unexpected happiness and newfound confidence. Was I so deprived that a simple spray of fragrance could alter my perception of myself? Perhaps. Regardless, it remains one of my favorites and a splurge I do not regret.
Another instance occurred a few years ago when I enrolled in a meditation workshop. Ironically, the only distraction from achieving mindfulness for me was the thought that I needed high-thread-count sheets and a vibrant comforter. After the workshop wrapped up, I treated myself to Egyptian cotton sheets and a duvet. Once I made the change, my bedroom appeared cheerier, and my sleep improved significantly. I realize I could have experienced a deeper spiritual revelation during my meditation, but like the perfume, this simple investment brought me a sense of satisfaction.
In recent times, my favorite indulgence has been the way I utilize my credit card reward points. Friends, particularly fellow single mothers, often inquire why I don’t use these points for practical necessities like school supplies or jackets for the winter. I honestly tell them I prefer spending these points on luxury hotel stays with my kids. Even if the bulk of our vacation budget is spent on a modest lodging or motel, I feel that our brief experience of five-star luxury greatly enriches our family time. Naturally, I avoid letting them order breakfast there since a single meal for three can equal the cost of our entire stay in more budget-friendly accommodations for the rest of the trip. Nonetheless, during that brief time, we get to savor a taste of the VIP lifestyle. Well, perhaps more like Cinderella at the ball, with a prompt exit by midnight. But we relish our little fantasy until the noon checkout.
Ultimately, I’ve realized that recognizing the importance of these fleeting fantasies is crucial, especially when faced with the everyday pressures of financial stress and “hobbies” involving absorbing content about budgeting, financing, inflation, and retirement planning. I manage a Roth IRA and hold bonds; I refinanced my mortgage at lower rates; I strive to avoid carrying credit card debt; and the car I currently drive was purchased back in 2006. While I’ve attempted to save the recommended six months’ worth of emergency funds, I haven’t been successful yet. However, I do have retirement accounts and 529 plans—even though both have taken a hit, alongside rising grocery expenses that affect everyone. There are many lessons to glean from these financial ups and downs. Perhaps the most essential takeaway is that money comes and goes in life, and we must cherish the joy we can find along the way.
I have diligently cultivated this mindset, all while navigating the realities of college tuition against the backdrop of rising inflation. I still don’t frequently indulge in these “small luxuries.” Yet when I do, I no longer experience distress over exceeding my budget. I’ve come to realize that these minor indulgences are as vital as savings—that truly living is as important as mere survival.”
Disclaimer: Above article written by an author whose name is witheld for privacy reasons. Opinions and advice given in article not necessarily that of Employment.Expert. We accept no responsibility or liability or inaccuracy in or as a direct result of article. So be cool, everyone…
