In 2020, I found myself opening up to a workforce of 11,000 individuals shortly after we transitioned to remote work due to the pandemic. We initiated a weekly Q&A segment alongside a regular email bulletin. I shared insights into our situation, the choices we were making, and the new initiatives we were implementing to assist our team members.
I came to the conclusion that I was prepared to discuss my experience with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder, a long-term anxiety condition). This acronym is often, unfortunately, used casually when labeling (or judging) the actions of others, but it’s important to explore its clinical interpretation: “The cycle of OCD persists through operant conditioning, where compulsions serve as behavioral responses that alleviate anxiety. The compulsion’s perceived effectiveness negatively reinforces that behavior in response to the obsessions,” explains Dr. Menije Boduryan Turner. She notes that OCD can profoundly disrupt an individual’s life due to persistent intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and uncertainty. “OCD obsessions are intrusive and can be triggered at any moment.”
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America states that roughly 2.3% of the population is affected by OCD, translating to about 1 in 40 adults and 1 in 100 children in the U.S. You never truly know who else might be experiencing this. I received my diagnosis years prior to the pandemic and had been managing well until that time. However, during this period, my OCD symptoms began to change. The medications I was taking and the behavioral strategies I had learned were no longer effective.
The internal communications manager, with whom I collaborated on my weekly emails, sent me a draft, and as always, I made several adjustments. This time, though, I included two additional paragraphs conveying what I was experiencing. I returned the edited document to her.
A few moments later, she reached out via Slack, our collaborative workspace, and asked, “Are you absolutely certain you want to include the paragraphs you added?”
I paused for a moment to reflect, asking myself, “Is there any justification for not sharing this?” The answer was no, so I instructed her to proceed. It felt liberating. This is who I am!
Reflecting on it now, I wanted my team to see the authentic me. I was about to realize the strength that comes from this authenticity.
As usual, my email went out on Thursday morning, now featuring my added paragraphs, and I proceeded with my regular work tasks.
Later that afternoon, I found myself with a break between Zoom meetings and took the opportunity to catch up on emails. In that brief span, I received around 400 new messages. More than the typical amount, to say the least! I began to sift through them. The majority came from employees expressing their support. Some disclosed that they also dealt with OCD and shared how they were coping during the pandemic. Others talked about their challenges with various mental health issues. A significant number expressed gratitude and were astonished that an executive would share such personal experiences.
The significance of embracing vulnerability in leadership
When I began my journey in understanding diversity and inclusion, I often said, “I view people like this: We are all books, with numerous chapters that contribute to our identity.”
Life experiences shape our perceptions and reactions, influencing why we think or respond in particular ways. It’s only when you open the book and delve into those chapters that you can grasp why someone thinks or acts the way they do. This insight can clarify why an individual might have a strong reaction to a specific term, phrase, or action. When someone opens up, it’s vital to seek understanding and empathize with their words. “Be curious, not judgmental.” (This quote, which has been attributed to a variety of individuals, is one I hold dear.) These are principles we should all strive to embody.
I am a book, and I feature a chapter on OCD. Certain life changes caused it to spiral a bit out of control for a period, but it has improved now. The emotional aspect of my leadership role remains intact. The day after my email revealing my OCD and anxiety struggles was sent, I was in a Zoom meeting when an employee began with, “I just want to express my gratitude.”
I must have appeared confused because she continued, “You have no idea the impact you had, do you?”
I replied, “No.”
She said, “You helped many of us recognize that executives face similar challenges as we do.”
It was at that moment I comprehended the genuine power of vulnerability. No organization or team can reach its full potential without leaders who are willing to be vulnerable. So, now you know Paul; you’ve glimpsed a chapter of my story. If I’m having an off day or behave differently, perhaps you’ll understand what’s happening and remember that I’m human too.
What an empowering tool. Revealing who you are and gaining positive encouragement.
