As I reached the conclusion of crafting my debut book, Find Your Courage, I made the choice to explore the possibility of securing a publisher. After conducting some research online, I realized that I needed a literary agent first. Despite sending out query letters to numerous agents, all their responses were negative. Feeling disheartened, I decided to bypass them and directly reach out to publishers. However, more rejections followed. I was just an unknown, aspiring self-help writer without the popularity associated with a Kardashian surname.
After facing continuous rejection, I made the decision to self-publish and distribute my book through speaking engagements and my newsletter database. Following the sale of a few thousand copies, I resubmitted the hard copy of my book to various publishers. Despite my belief that I had created a practical and motivating book beneficial for individuals feeling stuck in their lives, the publishers continued to reject it.
Despite the challenges, I persisted by engaging in more significant speaking opportunities and continuing my regular newsletter. Though difficult, I persevered, and I’m grateful that I did. Approximately six months into my rejection journey, I received an email from McGraw-Hill, a renowned New York publisher, expressing interest in acquiring the international rights for Find Your Courage. The excitement I felt at that moment is unforgettable. “We believe this is an exceptional book,” they stated. Woo hoo! My work was going global!
However, this achievement did not come without its fair share of rejection along the way.
Rejection is a universal experience, and most of us encounter it early on in life. Whether it’s being excluded from a birthday party or facing setbacks in careers and relationships, everyone has felt the pain of rejection
Rejection can be excruciatingly painful and feel deeply personal. While it’s challenging to overcome the sting of rejection, it’s imperative not to let the fear of rejection hinder you from taking risks.
1. Rejection is not about you; what you make it mean is.
You might offer the ripest and most delicious strawberry ever grown, but there will always be someone who dislikes strawberries. The value of my book remained unchanged when a major publisher picked it up. What changed was that an individual within that company recognized its value. A rejection reflects more on the person rejecting it—their values, perceptions, priorities, biases, insecurities, and fears—than on the one being rejected.
For instance:
- They may not have been ready for the relationship or commitment.
- They might have considered you overqualified and likely to become bored quickly.
- The timing might not have been right.
- Maybe they or you were having an off day.
The rejection decision is influenced by the subjective judgment of the person rejecting, shaped by their concerns, values, assumptions, opinions, and unconscious biases. The rejection conveys no more or less than that. The rest is mere speculation.
Your reaction to rejection is about the interpretation you give it—the narrative you construct about why you were rejected and the subsequent actions you take. If you perceive rejection as evidence of being undesirable or unworthy of love, or fated to never achieve your desires, it becomes challenging to take the necessary steps to attain your goals. Instead of criticizing yourself or dwelling in self-pity, seize the opportunity to learn and evolve, positioning yourself for future success. As Sylvia Plath, the author, once said, “I respect my rejection slips. They demonstrate that I try.”
2. Don’t waste your rejections; learn and grow from them.
If you speak with any accomplished individual, they will attest to having faced rejection multiple times on their journey to success. They will also acknowledge that rejections provided them with valuable feedback, refining their offering, and enhancing how they presented themselves. If you did not progress to the second interview, learn what qualities they sought in their ideal candidate. If you were overlooked for a promotion, inquire about the areas you need to strengthen for future consideration. Success belongs to those who remain proactive, even in the face of unfavorable outcomes. The more willing you are to put yourself on the line, the sooner you will overcome rejection.
3. The more you put yourself out there, the sooner you’ll land what you want.
Find Your Courage is now available in six languages. Some may perceive it as pure luck. However, it isn’t merely chance; it’s a combination of hard work, courage, and simple mathematics! The more you expose yourself to opportunities, the higher the likelihood of achieving your goals, forging significant relationships, and bringing your passions to life.
As my father often reminds me, “You have to be in it to win it.” By avoiding negative comparisons, self-blame, and self-pity, you can transcend the impact of rejection and take the necessary steps to propel yourself to the top of the list of success.
4. Rejection never hurts as long as regret.
Despite the rejection I’ve encountered, I still find it unpleasant. While crafting my fourth book, I faced the risk of rejection once more—from publishers, reviewers, and potential readers like you. However, I continue to write because, despite my aversion to rejection, the thought of looking back someday and pondering “What if?” is far more unsettling.
Interestingly, while working on this piece, I received an email confirming that Bear Grylls has endorsed my book. Pretty cool, right? Absolutely. But luck had no role to play in it.
Too often, we spend our lives shrinking away from any potential for rejection. The fear of being deemed unworthy or inadequate hinders us from seizing opportunities. Imagine the horizons that could open up if you were willing to face rejection, understanding that it is a fundamental element in achieving what you genuinely desire in your career, relationships, and life.
Do not allow rejection to define your worth or the value you bring. Dare to face rejection more frequently—not to bruise your ego but to expand your horizons. Isn’t that worth the occasional sting? To quote Bear Grylls, “If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.”
