We all have taboos regarding money that make discussing certain topics uncomfortable, such as our income, home or car expenses, or investment performance. Even though the norms around money conversations are evolving, many social cues still discourage us from talking openly about our financial ups and downs in public or even with close family and friends.
If you decide to share details about your finances, you may feel uneasy or unsure about what to say or how to behave. In general, remember the golden rule of treating others the way you wish to be treated and refrain from giving unsolicited advice, even if you have achieved financial success.
Golden Rules
We all have our own set of golden rules that help us maintain perspective and remember that we may not be aware of what others are going through in life. When it comes to money, consider the following points before engaging in a potentially contentious conversation.
Avoid complaining about money.
While it’s easy to focus on financial setbacks or disappointments, venting about your investment returns when your friend is struggling financially could breed resentment. Be mindful of other people’s circumstances when discussing your finances and show empathy towards their problems.
If you are comfortable sharing, go ahead, but be mindful that not everyone may be ready to do the same. It’s important to gauge if someone is willing and able to speak openly about their finances before broaching the topic.
Compensate friends for their work.
Everyone deserves fair payment for their services, even if they are your friend or family member. While you may feel entitled to their time and effort, remember that they are professionals who need to earn a living, even if you believe you deserve a discount.
Offer to pay your friend their regular rate or, if they are open to it, explore a barter system that is mutually beneficial. For instance, if you are a lawyer in need of graphic design services, offer to review your graphic designer friend’s contracts in exchange for their design work.
Refrain from judging others’ spending habits.
Just as passing judgment without full information can lead to trouble, it is also inappropriate and condescending to assume you know someone based on their spending choices. Respect that how your friend or family member spends their money is personal, and they are not answerable to you.
If you suspect their spending is problematic, express your concerns gently and respectfully. However, if they are unwilling to discuss it, respect their boundaries and steer the conversation elsewhere.
Avoid speculating about others’ values.
Everyone has their own beliefs and values, especially regarding money. Your friend or family member may not be comfortable sharing their upbringing or money messages from their parents. Unless they are willing to confide in you, their intentions may remain unknown, and you may never comprehend their spending rationale.
While dining out or purchasing new gadgets may bring joy to you, your friend may have a scarcity mindset and prioritize saving. Respect their autonomy in deciding how to use their money, just as you expect them to respect your financial choices.
Practice Kindness
In times of uncertainty, kindness is key, and it is essential to recognize that everyone’s values are unique, with not everyone being inclined to introspection. Money is often a sensitive topic, leading to strained relationships due to perceived financial resentments. Strive to maintain perspective and treat others with respect and consideration. Strongly held beliefs do not equate to correctness, nor do they diminish the importance of another person’s advice or values.
Treat others as you wish to be treated and focus on your financial journey.
