Do you want to uncover the key to resolving any family communication issues? A key that has been tested thoroughly? Something that guarantees results? It’s effective with children, siblings, parents, and even grandparents. A key so straightforward that anyone can apply it. Doubtful? It’s the identical technique I employed with seven unsuspecting families earlier this year—and it was remarkably effective.
Let me elaborate.
I recently received an incredible opportunity: a leading role in an upcoming A&E series titled Monster In-Laws. Throughout this series, I journey across the United States and immerse myself in families teetering on the brink of chaos due to in-law complications.
The situation is undeniably serious. These families are unraveling—grandparents isolated from their grandchildren, couples under immense pressure contemplating separation—there’s shouting, fighting, resentment, and frustration.
My role is to enter the scene and highlight the unspoken issues, akin to the ringmaster of an emotional circus. After the worst is voiced and the dirty secrets revealed, it’s my responsibility to reunite the family using any means necessary. I deploy the most direct methods available to bring forth the uncomfortable truths.
Want some imagery?
Picture fastening a piece of duct tape over your father-in-law’s mouth to silence him, as he never pays attention. Or perhaps placing your mother-in-law in a time-out chair since you’re tired of her passive-aggressive tactics? What would it be like to see your spoiled daughter-in-law sell a piece of her own jewelry to finally reimburse the loan you provided her?
I refer to my strategies as experiential learning. Words are easy. Actions are paramount.
This brings me to a critical insight about families: At the core of every conflict lies just one issue. Someone feels disregarded.
Humans have an innate desire to feel significant. We long to feel valued, acknowledged, and cared for by our families. Whenever resentment, name-calling, envy, frustration, or anger emerges, it can ultimately be traced back to someone’s feelings being wounded due to a lack of acknowledgment.
For instance, the mother-in-law I had in a time-out? The couple felt disrespected because she openly ignored the house rules with her grandkids. Naturally, the mother-in-law felt undervalued because her son-in-law held her accountable for events that occurred two decades prior. As a result, she endured a time-out, while he received boxing gloves and a punching bag.
The family at the pawn shop? Similar circumstances. The mother-in-law felt disrespected due to the lack of effort to return the loan. The daughter-in-law felt unappreciated because the mother-in-law rarely visited. Everything unraveled within that pawn shop.
Want to mend familial issues? It’s easy.
The one who is misbehaving typically acts out for a common reason: You have inadvertently made them feel disregarded. They might not be in the right, but that’s irrelevant. The solution lies in showing them that you care, even if you must feign interest at the start. Delve into their thoughts and discover what’s troubling them. Then, take the initiative to perform small gestures that make them feel valued again. It’s so straightforward that you might wonder why you hadn’t considered it before, right?
Believe me, it’s incredibly effective, and you won’t even need duct tape.
