Every conversation has dual aspects, and both are vital for effective communication.
Consider your conversational abilities: Do you articulate well, or do you tend to ramble? Are you a mindful listener, or do you often cut others off?
Here’s how to excel in the art of conversation—both aspects:
When it’s your moment to share…
1. Clarify your thoughts.
Confusion in messages often stems from unclear thinking. We may have ideas that we haven’t fully developed, or we could have too much to express, making it difficult to articulate. Alternatively, a strong opinion might spill forth before we have organized our thoughts. Consequently, we miscommunicate and leave others bewildered. Thus, the first rule of straightforward dialogue is to think carefully before speaking. Organize your ideas coherently.
2. Articulate your true meaning.
Communicate precisely what you intend to convey.
3. Be direct.
Skilled communicators don’t shy away from getting straight to the issue. If you desire something, express it clearly. If you need someone to take action, specify what you require.
4. Keep it succinct.
Avoid unnecessary verbosity. Clarity diminishes with verbosity. Speak clearly and concisely, choosing the simplest and most familiar words.
5. Be authentic.
Every individual possesses a unique personality—an amalgamation of traits, thought processes, and behaviors—which can enhance clear communication. For optimal clarity, be yourself and let your authentic self shine. This will make you appear more persuasive and significantly more at ease.
6. Use imagery in your speech.
The saying “a picture is worth a thousand words” may sometimes miss the mark, but using words that help visualize concepts can greatly assist in conveying your message.
However, talking or sending messages is only half the communication equation. To be a truly skilled communicator, you must also understand the art of listening and receiving messages.
If you’re nearing a train crossing around a bend, you might alert others with your horn. Yet, that’s not the most critical aspect of communication. What truly counts is when you stop, observe, and listen—this principle applies to conversation as well.
When it’s your moment to listen…
1. Engage thoughtfully.
Listening, much like speaking and writing, necessitates genuine interest and focus. Without concentrating on listening, you’ll absorb little and remember even less of what you hear. On average, individuals retain only 25 percent of what they listen to—improving retention and understanding increases your effectiveness immeasurably.
A reminder in the Senate office of Lyndon Johnson succinctly encapsulated this: “When you’re talking, you ain’t learning.”
2. Keep your eyes open.
Listening solely with your ears causes you to miss much of the communicated message. Good listeners engage their eyes as well. Look for emotional cues. The face is a powerful medium of communication—learn to interpret its signals. While the speaker shares their thoughts verbally, their facial expressions can convey, “I’m serious,” “I’m joking,” “This is difficult for me to express,” or “I’m really happy about this.”
3. Pay attention to these nonverbal cues while listening:
- Rubbing an eye. When you hear “I guess you’re correct,” while the speaker rubs one eye, reconsider. This often indicates their internal struggle to accept the statement.
- Foot tapping. If a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it often shows insecurity about the words being conveyed.
- Finger rubbing. When the thumb and forefinger are rubbed together, it may signify the speaker is withholding thoughts.
- Staring and rapid blinking. A person gazing at the ceiling and blinking frequently indicates they’re processing the topic.
- Asymmetrical smiles. Authentic smiles are typically symmetrical and tend to be brief. If a smile appears lopsided, it may not be genuine.
- Averting gaze. Lack of eye contact may reflect low self-esteem or, alternatively, that the speaker is not being truthful.
It isn’t wise to base conclusions solely on these visible cues. However, they can provide valuable insights into the types of questions you might ask and what answers to be mindful of.
4. Simplify interaction.
Poor listeners often struggle to find those willing to share important insights with them. Excellent listeners create an inviting atmosphere for those they want to hear from, clearly demonstrating their interest in the other person’s message.
