We all desire to be well-liked and popular. It’s only natural to seek friendships and belong to a group. However, not everyone will click with us, and we often have a gut feeling when someone doesn’t have a favorable opinion of us.
At times, we can avoid such individuals. But what if we are required to interact with someone who dislikes us at work, our child’s daycare, or family gatherings routinely? How can we navigate these situations while maintaining our sanity, productivity, and happiness?
Recognize the signs that a person doesn’t like you
First and foremost, it is crucial to evaluate the situation and accurately ascertain if someone harbors negative feelings towards you. Body language often speaks louder than words, and while most of us can interpret these signs, understanding them is not always straightforward. Crystal Spiegel, LCSW, a social worker and psychotherapist at Therapy Arts, elucidates, “Most individuals can discern micro expressions and muscle movements in others that we attribute significance to. We observe factors like eye contact, empathy towards us, lack of curiosity, brief responses, physical withdrawal, hostile language, or being treated differently than others – all indicative of potential disfavor.”
Nevertheless, it’s important to acknowledge that there could be alternate explanations for such behaviors. “Failure to maintain eye contact, lack of empathy, concise answers, and disinterest could also stem from shyness or neurodivergence. Before jumping to conclusions based on body language, it’s beneficial to grant the other person the benefit of the doubt and provide them with opportunities to engage with you. They might simply be having a rough day or wrestling with personal demons.”
“We are better off when we can empathize with the other person’s perspective, especially when we lack the full context,” states Becca Reed, LCSW, PMH-C, a licensed therapist specializing in perinatal mental health and trauma. “Extending grace becomes easier when we consider the possibility that they might be dealing with challenges unbeknownst to us.” Even if you greet someone and receive no immediate response, remembering that “they could be preoccupied or deeply focused on something and may not have heard you,” can foster empathy.
Occasionally, the signals are unmistakably clear. “Being excluded from activities or group communications is a significant sign,” notes Suzette Bray, LMFT, a licensed therapist and author. “Audible sighs while conversing, eye rolls, or furrowed brows” all hint at a lack of alignment.
Go along to get along
Should we resign ourselves to the fact that these individuals don’t hold us in high regard? And how can we navigate these interactions amiably? “As humans, we typically strive to establish common ground,” Bray affirms. “Offering genuine compliments, inquiring about their accomplishments to provide them an opportunity to shine, or validating their emotions and viewpoints can be effective strategies. However, focusing conversations on neutral topics and maintaining politeness is optimal.”
“There isn’t a one-size-fits-all response,” Spiegel emphasizes. The pertinent questions revolve around assessing how you feel and wish to feel in a particular setting, identifying any disparities, and determining if they are acceptable to you. For instance, if you hold disdain for your boss but necessitate the income, you must navigate that relationship until a preferable option materializes.
While the additional effort might seem burdensome, it can yield long-term benefits. “It doesn’t necessarily require you to become best friends, but fostering mutual respect will undoubtedly facilitate smoother interactions and enhance productivity,” Reed suggests.
Regardless of how you choose to address the situation, prioritize your mental well-being. “Any action you take should aim to ground you, foster clarity, openness, and enable you to perform your duties effectively, rather than adopting a defensive stance or fixating on seeking validation,” underscores Spiegel.
Learn how to handle rejection
Being disliked or feeling like an outsider within a group can be hurtful and equate to rejection. How can you cope?
Firstly, acknowledge that each situation is unique, and someone’s sentiments towards you might have little to do with you specifically. You might inadvertently remind them of a past hurt, trigger feelings of jealousy due to your success, or they may simply not know you well.
Recognizing that likability is nuanced is pivotal. Bray underscores, “How others treat you is a reflection of their character rather than yours. If you bear a resemblance to the mean girl from seventh grade and that person lacks the introspection to see beyond that, you have no control over it.” However, you retain control over your responses and self-care.
Ultimately, acknowledging and seeking out individuals who appreciate your presence can ease interactions with others. Bray stresses the importance of self-compassion and self-reminders of your worth and competencies. “The views of others are not definitive,” she asserts. “If faced with prolonged interaction with a challenging individual, follow it up with interactions with supportive individuals. Connect with a friend or trusted colleague for reassurance. Strike a balance.”
Displaying vulnerability and accepting that not everyone will be fond of you signifies strength. “Social rejection doesn’t spell doom for us,” Bray affirms. “Others may not always grasp the impact of their actions, and developing resilience against potential rejection is a valuable life skill. Embracing the possibility of being judged allows us to pursue numerous opportunities. Overcoming rejection and bouncing back enables us to explore various avenues without fear.”