Three different scenarios share a common thread. Can you identify it?
- You finish your workout and receive a voicemail from your mom asking you to take her to the doctor the next day at 11 a.m. You have an important work call scheduled, but you don’t want to disappoint her.
- At 10 p.m., you receive an email from a new client. Although you’re ready for bed, you know they expect a response before morning.
- Your friend keeps texting you about their breakup, and you want to support them, but you’re overwhelmed with work.
The common theme: Feeling like your boundaries are being encroached upon.
Establishing healthy boundaries can be a challenge, but it’s crucial. This is especially true if you are self-employed, have a side hustle, or don’t adhere to a traditional 9-to-5 work schedule. Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself overextending and agreeing to things that aren’t in your best interest.
“Failing to set boundaries can lead to overextension in both personal and professional aspects of your life,” explains Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and psychology professor. “Setting healthy boundaries is vital for self-preservation, self-respect, and self-care.”
Continue reading for a detailed guide on how to establish boundaries in your personal and professional life.
Step 1: Identify whether your boundaries are being crossed.
Determining if your boundaries have been violated can be challenging.
According to Durvasula, your ability to recognize boundary violations may be linked to your upbringing. If your family had weak boundaries, you might struggle to identify when your own boundaries are crossed as an adult.
However, there are definitive signs that your boundaries are being encroached upon:
1. You have a gut feeling.
“Boundary violations can trigger physiological discomfort,” Durvasula explains. “Listen to your gut instincts. If it feels like a boundary violation, it probably is.”
Despite this, many individuals try to rationalize these feelings and may talk themselves out of setting clear boundaries.
2. You notice uncomfortable emotions emerging.
According to Shannon Curry, a licensed psychologist, specific emotions can indicate that your boundaries are being breached. These may include resentment, guilt, feeling imposed upon, being taken advantage of, or anger.
“Difficulty articulating these feelings may signify a personal boundary violation,” Curry adds.
3. The relationship feels unbalanced.
If you find yourself dedicating more time and effort to someone else than they are to you, your boundaries might be at risk.
“Violated boundaries often result in unbalanced relationships,” Durvasula notes. “The equilibrium can be disrupted.”
Step 2: Understand the benefits of setting better boundaries.
Establishing boundaries is a complex process that demands practice and resilience. Despite this challenge, people often hesitate to act even when they recognize signs of discomfort like anger or resentment.
“Setting boundaries can initially be uncomfortable, and some may prefer avoiding it altogether,” Durvasula explains. However, pushing through this discomfort is crucial as it leads to the ability to say no respectfully.
One way to overcome the initial discomfort is by acknowledging the numerous advantages of protecting your time and establishing boundaries.
If you are self-employed or have a side hustle and need to set boundaries with family and friends, this action could enhance your business. Similarly, setting limits with clients to safeguard personal time frees up emotional energy for those who truly matter, among other benefits.
